[editor’s note: Ellen Handler passed away on January 6, 2016. She was ill and dehydrated, but opted not to reenter the hospital, and chose instead to live the remainder of her days at her son’s home in Montclair, NJ.]
My grandma was one of my best friends and biggest inspirations. I have her to thank for my interest in the sciences, my love of Oliver Sacks, and for fostering my inquisitive wonder about the way the world works. She is the reason that I am in medicine.
She was also a crusader. She escaped the Holocaust, got her PhD in the US, and raised a thriving family. She relished life. And given the opportunity, she would not hesitate to defend choosing a comfortable, controlled, elective death in place of living a diminished life. That conviction has been a part of her will since 1998, and a part of her (very vocal) worldview for many years.
There is a sad reality in modern medicine: we can keep ones heart beating and mind functioning far beyond the point at which they have the faculties and ability to live a pleasurable life. My colleagues in medical training will attest that there are many ways to keep someone alive, but maintaining a life that most, and especially Grandma Ellen, would consider “living,” is far more challenging.
I am incredibly proud of my grandma for having the courage to live life to its fullest, achieve everything that she ever wanted to achieve, and take total and complete control of her destiny when her time came. I am similarly proud of all the family members and healthcare professionals that came together to keep her comfortable through the process of an elective death.
Grandma, I will miss you. But I am so grateful for the time we shared, and for being able to help you say goodbye the way you wished, with sound mind, surrounded by loving and supportive family.
RIP Grandma Ellen